My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
