I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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