My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You're earring is so big in my mouth
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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