ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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