I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
