I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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