ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
