you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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