He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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