"it" just moved
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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