watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
