I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
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...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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