With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
