i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
