Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
