So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
