VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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