i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
