She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
