I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
