What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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