just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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