my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
