Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
