There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Randomize
