HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
