You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
