Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
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I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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