i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
