I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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