gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
