I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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