how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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