just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
