the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
