You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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