I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
