His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
