im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
