I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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