Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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