Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Found the puke drawer
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize