i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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