JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
