You just made me feel so damn special
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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