I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
