i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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