Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
