Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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