do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
