We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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