I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
