Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize