You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have demons in me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I had to cum in my sink.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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