I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
