mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
operation have a gay friend backfired
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
