I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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