I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
