You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
