Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
