his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
