Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
