I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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