I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Let's get the cat blown out
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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