I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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