I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
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sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize