he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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