well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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