Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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