I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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